Oh, for the love of God, would somebody please tell her to stop wearing the god damn shorts to work? I know that's Dwight's gone on Thursdays, so that's why she does it, but doesn't she realize how ridiculous she looks? And it's always the same pair...the SHORT white shorts....I could even maybe see if it was some longer nice-looking khaki ones, but not the ones that she has to pull out of her crotch every 10 minutes! She topped off the ensemble today with a pair of white flip-flops...yeah, FUCKING flip flops...come the fuck on....not sandals.....flip flops......I know your young, honey, but I can't honestly believe that somewhere in the back of your mind, that little voice isn't telling you STOP IT! This isn't Billy Joe's smoke and video shop.....this is a reputable car dealership that has been in business for over 20 years....it may be a small business, but that still doesn't mean that customers don't expect professionalism and couth. FYI honey, if it's an attention thing.......they may ogle your body, but they'll respect your mind.....
Ok, that's my rant for today...<finding my happy place> lol

So, we're sitting outside last night, having some drinks, and of course, smoking those damn left-handed cigarettes, and we're talkin......here is how our conversation goes........


Remodeling the bathroom
My website
Our sex life
Other people's sex lives
Something funny Olivia did that day
The website I have to do for work
Our cool ass friends from Indiana
Our company dinners
Fucked up shit at work
Me and my aspirations to become famous
Astronomy (WTF?)
The cat we used to have that we got high all the time
People and their natural talents
Being ambidextrous
Golf
Photography
Goth
Family
Smoking cigars
Alcohol
Our broke ass lawn chair
Funny sex stories we've heard
Our sex life (again)



Maybe we need to quit smoking pot........lol

Ok, so I read this article about meditation, and one of the basic principles was that "if you can name your emotions, you can tame them"........sounded kinda corny to me at first, but I thought what the hell? I can spill my guts onto paper in a poetic rage, but have never really given proper thought to exactly what was underlying those emotions. The "whys", so to speak. So...I spent some quiet time reading over some of my blogs and poetry, and realize that I really don't hate her, I hate the fact that she's comfortable with who she is...that she doesn't look into the mirror every day and feel discomfited with what she sees.......I want that feeling.....I want to know that people don't think "She's pretty, BUT....."

I want to slay this demon that has consumed me throughout my life...the only thing I have never been able to defeat.....the only thing that makes me feel less worthy than those who may be lacking in substance, but have the figure so desired by the masses......society stigmatizes even the beautiful, and I don't wish for the appeal of litheness alone, but rather simply the ability to be myself.....100%.........to feel comfortable in my own clothes, for I will no longer be burned by the glare of society's expectations........
One would think that beauty known would be a tough enough opponent to fight this demon, but the self continues to destruct for reasons unknown......When I understand that, so too shall the pain subside.....

Why do I fucking hate her so much?...... Why do I feel this way, and why can't I make it stop? I try not to, I really do....I try to get along with everyone, and understand people's differences, but for some reason, she just eats away at me......I look at her and I just want to slug her in the face.......Am I jealous of her? If so, why? Is she prettier than me? I'm sure some people think so......does she remind me of someone or possess the traits of one I despise?......who the hell knows?..... Does it even fucking matter?...It's so fucking ignorant that I let her bother me........and she doesn't even know......or maybe she does.....maybe she senses that my niceties are all an act, one I'm required to put on every time I'm around her..... I hate the way I'm forced to deal with her immaturity and stupidity, I hate the feeling that I get when I look at her, I hate the way she's coddled and treated; as if her flirtatious, nonchalant way of interacting makes up for her ignorance and untrustworthiness...but most of all, I hate myself for feeling this way....for letting my own ridiculous emotions bring anger and pain into my soul.......and maybe..... deep down.....it doesn't even really have anything to do with her.....maybe I am unhappy with myself and I project my disappointment and anger onto her because she's an easy target....
I feel defeated....and there hasn't even been a battle...

So, I've been tagged by Autumn Seave ([link]), which means that I have to play along!!

We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
- Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

- People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

- At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

- Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.


Here goes:
1) I would absolutely die without my laptop and my Ipod
2) I had my first poem published at age 17, in my high school newspaper
3) I was a virgin until I was 18, but I certainly wasn't innocent!
4) I have a rose tattoo on my ankle, and I'm dying to get another one
5) I had a ridiculous crush on David Bowie in "Labyrinth"
6) I played the flute in elementary/junior high school , but dropped out in 9th grade, when I realized
I didn't want to be a band geek
7) I got caught ditching a stupid pep rally in high school by hiding in the bathroom
8) My favorite colors are red, brown, and purple

Now, who do I tag?? Hmmm........